Most of us turn to friends or family at times of crisis, but sometimes when you are facing a very personal problem, it is good to have the chance to talk things over in confidence with an understanding and objective third party. Some people resist the idea of counselling because they feel they should be able to sort everything out on their own, but seeking counselling is not a sign of failure - it shows that you have the determination to resolve your problems and move on with your life.
But what is counselling? Contrary to popular belief, a counsellor's task is not to give you advice, but to help you develop insight into your own problems so you see them in a fresh way and discover within yourself the resources to deal with them. A counsellor will listen to what you have to say - simply being able to talk freely and know you are being 'heard' is often therapeutic in itself.
Relate is the best known of the couple counselling agencies. You can turn to them for help whether you are married or not and whatever your age, sexual orientation or beliefs. You can go alone or as a couple.
Sometimes older couples are less inclined to consider counselling, perhaps because they feel the stigma of divorce is greater in later years. The average age for people coming for counselling is mid 30's but it is never too late to seek help, and counselling can often put a relationship back on track, even if it seems as if there is little hope.
"The 'oldest couple' I've counselled were 76!" says a Relate Counsellor
Even if you feel the relationship is beyond repair, Relate can help too with support, direction and communication issues - absolutely crucial when children are a major part of the affected family.
Newly formed second family units do experience many difficulties whilst the relationships are developing and Relate can help you to develop new boundaries whilst taking positive steps forward.